11 Ways to Drive a Narcissist Crazy and Flip the Script (2024)

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Co-authored byJay Reid, LPCCand Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: January 15, 2024Fact Checked

Ignore them.

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1. Avoid giving them the attention they crave. When they walk into the room, don’t even glance over at them—make them come to you. When they text you, wait a couple of hours before responding to make them squirm. The more you act like you don’t care about them, the more frustrated they’ll get.^[2]

   • If they ever bring it up to you, act like you have no idea what they’re talking about: “What? I wasn’t ignoring you. I’ve just been really busy lately.”

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Offer constructive criticism.

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1. Don’t be afraid to point out their mistakes. Egotistical people tend to believe that they’re better than everyone else, and they’re resistant to criticism, which can make it hard to confront them when they’ve done something to hurt you. Practice giving them feedback on their behavior. Not only will it drive them nuts, but it may even encourage them to change their ways, too.^[3]

   • “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say. I think you should apologize.”
   • “When you talk down to me like that, I feel belittled. Let’s try to talk nicely to each other from now on.”

Set and enforce your boundaries.

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1. Make sure they experience consequences when they cross your boundaries. Some people love to push your boundaries, and they’ll keep pushing until you enforce those boundaries. If you really want to get under this person’s skin, explain your boundaries clearly, and then follow through with the consequences if they cross them.^[4]

   • “If you keep calling me names, I’m going to walk away. I can’t talk to someone who doesn’t respect me.”
   • “You can’t belittle me in public like that. If that happens again, we won’t be hanging out anymore.”

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Call them out.

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1. Being called out can encourage them to behave. When you point out their mistakes in front of other people, they can no longer pretend that they’re the best person in the room. The next time you’re out with friends or at a family gathering and this person crosses the line, point it out.^[5]

   • “You lose your temper easily, you know that? Maybe you should take some anger management classes.”
   • “Ouch, that was pretty harsh. There’s no need to yell—we’re all friends here!”

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How did they act when you first started dating?

Build others up in their presence.

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1. People with fragile egos struggle to see others succeed. People with narcissistic traits often compare themselves to others, but they only do it when they’re shown in a positive light.^[6] Pointing out others’ achievements in front of them will help to humble them and remind them they’re not the center of attention all the time.

   • “Did you see that Jenny got a promotion yesterday? She only got hired there a year ago!”
   • “I’m so impressed by Harry’s art. His Instagram following is huge! Maybe you could get some tips from him on promoting your art.”

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Be less available.

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1. Not being at their beck and call will remind them they’re not in control of you. Controlling people typically like to be in charge, but turning the tables on them can help you regain some control. If you make plans with them, do so on your terms: keep your plans loose, and don’t be afraid to cancel or reschedule if you need to. Be less available so they never know what to expect from you next.^[7]

   • We’re not advocating for being a flake or bailing for the sake of being petty; taking control of your schedule and not being beholden to this person will help remind them you’re your own person—and it may help you feel more independent as well.

Stay calm when they try to rile you up.

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1. If it’s an emotional reaction they want, be sure not to give it to them. When someone calls you names or yells at you, it’s normal to get angry or upset. But manipulative people typically want to get an emotional response; it gives them a feeling of control over you. Next time this person tries to rile you up, try to stay calm and give as little of a reaction as possible. If you don’t react, they can’t add any fuel to their own fire, and they’ll eventually peter out.^[8]

   • Having trouble staying calm? Try doing deep breathing exercises or counting to 10 in your head.
   • You can also give very unenthusiastic or sarcastic replies to show how uninterested you are. Say things like “Oh, wow,” or, “Hmm,” to quickly shut them down.

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Bring up hard facts.

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1. Manipulative people love to spin things in their favor, so don’t let them. You may have noticed that every time you argue with this person, they use emotional attacks to “win.”^[9] The next time you’re in a disagreement with them, only tell them the facts, and stick to things that can be proven.

   • “Are you sure you didn’t say that? I have screenshots of the texts you sent me this morning. Here, look.”
   • “But you were invited to that party—we all were. Look, I have the invitation in my email right here.”

Reject their advice.

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1. Egotistic people sometimes offer advice as a form of control. When a narcissistic person latches onto you, they’ll often try to make decisions for you or influence you in little ways. You can maintain your independence by not taking their advice and instead going forward with your own plans.

   • “Yeah, I know you wanted me to go to college, but taking a gap year is better for me right now.”
   • “Being a doctor would be a great career path, but that’s not what I want. I’d like to be a teacher instead.”

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Work toward your own goals.

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1. Put them in their place by striving for success. Even though meeting your own goals has nothing to do with anyone but you, people with big egos often see other people’s happiness as a personal attack against them. You can easily get under their skin and remind them they don’t control you by simply focusing on your goals and taking steps every day to achieve them.

   • Manipulative people tend to lack empathy, which is why they may struggle to be happy for others.

End the relationship.

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1. If setting boundaries doesn’t work, going no-contact may be the answer. If this person won’t leave you alone, it may be worth it to just break things off with them. Stay firm in your decision, and don’t fall for any of the false promises they might use to win you back.

   • Be prepared for a lot of love-bombing as a way to win you over. If that doesn’t work, it’s possible they’ll resort to spreading rumors about you or talking about you behind your back to “get back” at you for leaving.

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