Do you want to know who thinks they have all the answers? Today, I’m going to tell you what they are. I’m Rebecca Zung, and I’m an attorney. I’ve been recognized as a top attorney, and I’ve written a couple of best-selling books: “Negotiate Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R” and “Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and ofcourse my newly released book “SLAY the Bully.” I help people like you negotiate with narcissists. Yeah, that’s pretty much everybody in the world. So if you want real tips and tricks on how to get the edge over these people, then subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell, and I’m going to tell you how to do it.
Okay, so let’s talk about the first one: anything that involves the truth. They can’t answer anything that involves the truth. And here’s the weird thing about them; they’re pathological liars, and I think you’ve probably figured that out already. But what I find really strange about narcissists is that they will lie about anything, including things they don’t even need to lie about and including things that are readily verifiable. It’s so strange for me because integrity is my love language, but I’ve seen it happen.
I mean, I’ve seen situations where… I saw one time where a wife actually kicked her 14-year-old son out of the house at like one o’clock in the morning because she lost her temper on him. She threw all his stuff outside, all out on the lawn. The husband, soon-to-be ex-husband, had to go pick up the son, pick up all his stuff, gather stuff up off the lawn, and put it in the car at one o’clock in the morning. And the soon-to-be ex-wife then writes an email to the husband saying, “This is probably for the best, give everybody a chance to cool down. You should probably contact the school bus service so that they know to pick him up over by your house, and we’ll all just take a break.” Next thing you know, she files a motion and writes under oath that the husband stole the child from him and basically kidnapped him and took him without her permission and all this stuff.
When it’s readily verifiable because of the email that she sent to him that same night. It’s kind of crazy, but anything that involves the truth are questions that they can’t answer. Like if you asked her why she did that, she wouldn’t be able to give an answer. So anything that involves the truth, anything that involves calling them out on their behavior, they like to deny, deflect, project, making sure it’s not coming onto them, and anything that shows that you know what’s going on, again, part of the truth.
And if you want to know more, by the way, on what narcissists do when they get caught in a lie, you should definitely check out some of my YouTube video regarding that matter on what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. But they just can’t answer any questions that involve the truth. So the next thing is anything that involves giving credit to someone else. You know, if you ask them, who was responsible for creating this amazing party or coming up with this incredible idea at work or something like that, they can’t bring themselves to give credit to anyone else.
If you ask, “What does this person contribute or what benefit do you get in your life from this person?” They can’t answer it. Because they live in a scarcity mentality. It really is scarcity mentality at its most extreme. And as I’ve said before, in my opinion, narcissists are, there’s the pathological ones that are actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, and it’s an actual legit personality disorder. But I believe that it’s a continuum, it’s a spectrum. All of us want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter. So, there are times when we all feel sort of selfish or we’ve all been guilty of behavior that’s not the greatest, right? But this is like all the time. These are people that they’re so living in scarcity mentality, that to give anything to someone else would mean that somehow they don’t exist or they collapse because their sense of self is so fragile.
So anything that involves giving credit to someone else, it’s just something that they can’t do, it’s really hard to say that this person is really great at this or my life is so much better because of this person or whatever. It’s really, really hard for them to do that. Number three is anything involving them failing or losing at something. If you ask them questions about their loss or failing at something, they can’t accept it. I mean, they distort reality. They have this magical thinking which is all part of the DSM-5, which is how they actually diagnose narcissists. They distort reality, they just live in their own world. And so anything involving them being called out as failing at something or losing is just something that they can’t have a conversation about.
The fourth thing is anything involving shame or vulnerability. They are protecting that with their lives. I mean, they have an enormous sense of shame actually because they have this fragile sense of self that they’re constantly trying to protect, and they want the world to think that they’re this person. So there’s this dichotomy that they’re constantly living in where there’s a scared fragile little person that’s hidden somewhere deep inside, and on the outside, they want you to believe that they are strong and powerful or confident, or if it’s a covert narcissist, then it’s more like they are a victim maybe or that they’re kind, but there’s this underlay of rage.
And then the next one is anything that involves how well they interact with others because they’re not great at interacting with others, they’re not great at maintaining friendships. If you’ve seen this, by the way, I want to see agreed in the chat below, that you’ve seen this before, but they’re not great at maintaining close friendships or intimacy or anything like that. So they don’t want to be asked about how well they interact with others. So that’s the fifth thing.
Those are the five questions they can’t answer. Anything that involves the truth, anything that gives credit to anyone else, anything that involves them failing or losing, anything involving shame or vulnerability, or anything that involves how well they interact with others. So if you do ask them these questions, what will you see instead? You’ll see vague answers, you’ll see gaslighting, you’ll see lying and denying, and you’ll see projection, you’ll see blaming and shaming others. They’re going to want to throw you off the scent because they want you to be uncertain, they want you to be unstable, and you will see this, especially in negotiations, because remember with the narcissist, you’re either for them or you’re against them. So once they know that you’re no longer for them, then they’re going to go after you with guns blazing, you’re going to become public enemy number one. And they want you to be unstable, they want you to be uncertain, they want you to think, they want to believe that you don’t see what’s actually going on.
So those are the questions that narcissists just can’t answer. And if you are dealing with a narcissist, you know that they can’t answer those questions, right? And make sure if you are negotiating with a narcissist, that you get my free “Crush my Negotiation” prep worksheet. And if you want to join my free private Facebook group, you can do that too. Narcissist Negotiators With Rebecca Zung. If you liked this blog, give it a share, drop me a comment. Let me know that you agree that you’ve seen these things before. Remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
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